In September 2021, I legally changed my name. Having residency in Pennsylvania also allowed me to change my driver's license to reflect my identity as a non-binary person. I smiled and felt relieved when I saw the X replace the F on my ID. I also felt sad because for so long I wanted F to feel right for me and I couldn't understand why it never did since I was young.
For me, X means I don't have to explain myself to you. X means, you will not define me. X means, you will not tell me how I am or how I should be. X means I am so much more than what I was told I am or could be. X means I don't believe in defining people by their genitals, reproductive organs, and secondary sex characteristics. X means I am both/and. X means to take me as I am. X means I believe in each person's right to discover and fully express who they are outside the confines and harmful standards set by institutions defined by patriarchy, white supremacy, and capitalism.
This week I Iost my X. I went to the Oklahoma DMV to get my updated license. I felt depressed when the woman helping me took my photo. I was at once nervous and curious if she would ask me about the X on my PA license, but I knew she most likely wouldn't. She said she loved the photo she took of me. I couldn't recognize myself.
The F will replace the X when I get my new license in the mail. It's not accurate. I feel as though by not giving me the option to claim myself as X, the state is, in effect, erasing me. It's telling me, you don't exist. It's telling me, it is most important to mark you by what we can legally claim about your sexual organs. It's telling me, you can only be either/or despite nature showing us again and again that many creatures are and can be both/and.
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